This is a translation of Bankimchandra’s
first article written for the first issue of Bangadarshan (View of Bengal), the
monthly published by himself in April 1872. He was aged 34 then.
Solitude
“The mesmerizing tune”
The mesmerizing tune appears like memories
of a sweet dream that went into oblivion ages back. Why do I find
the tune so charming? The tune is not extraordinary. A traveler is humming the tune
while passing through the road nearby. Probably the moonlit night filled his
heart with perfect ecstasy. His voice is naturally melodious; in this charming
season of the year, he is spreading own happiness around throughout his
journey. But why does the tune of a song disquieting my senses like a finger touching
a musical instrument with many strings?
Who will tell me why? This is moonlit
night – moonshine is smiling on riverbed. The slender-bodied blue river is
passing though its shores like a blue fabric partially covering the body of a beautiful
lady. Everyone is joyful out on the road – girls and boys, young and old - all look
cheerful as they are showered with moonlight. It is only me, who is gloomy –
that is reason the string in my heart played along with the tune.
I am occupied with myself; that is
reason the tune makes me shiver. I am the only person in solitude in this
crowded city, in this cheerful flow of endless number of people. Why don’t I turn
into a small bubble in the bubbling ocean of these large cheerful waves – why
not make myself a part of that ceaseless crowd? The ocean is made of unending
drops of water. Why don’t I become one drop pertaining to that ocean?
I do not know the reason. Only thing I
know is, I am alone. You should never be alone. Your life of a human being is futile
if no one else is touched by your love. The flower is aromatic. But if there
was none to sense it, then the flower could not be called aromatic; aroma cannot
exist without the sense of smelling it. The flower does not bloom for itself;
do bloom your heart for the sake of others.
I did not tell you why the musical
tune, which I listened once upon a time, made my heart so heavy. I have not
heard a cheerful music since long, did not find happiness since long. In my youth,
when the world before my eyes looked charming, when I sensed the fragrance in
every flower, discovered melody in every rustling of dry leaves, found beauty
of Chitra and Rohini in every star, perceived simplicity on every face, my life
was filled with happiness. The world is still the same, the worldly affairs
remain the same, and even human nature remains the same. But my spirit is
changed. At that time, listening to a tune was blissful. Today, as I listened
to the same tune, I remembered that lost bliss. I remembered the pleasing
environment that surrounded me at that time. I rediscovered my lost youth for a
moment. In my imagination, I sat with my friends around me as I did before;
again I laughed aloud without any reason; started expressing my thoughts that I
do not do these days assuming unnecessary but used to communicate even without
reason those days. Again my innocent heart accepted admiration from others
assuming those to be pure as it used to accept that time. It was momentary
illusion – that is why I found the tune so sweet. That time I liked to listen
to music, nowadays I do not. I liked it because my heart was cheerful then; now
I lost that cheerfulness. I imagined that state of ecstasy of the youth with my
mind that I kept secret inside my today’s heart.
Why did I loss that cheer, that pleasure?
Do I possess the materials those make life pleasant lesser than before? Both earning
and losing are parts of life. But rule
of life also ensures that you earn more than what you loss. More you walk
though the path of your life, more materials of pleasure you will collect. Why is
the old age less cheerful then? Why do we find less beautiful ladies around?
Why don’t the stars on the sky sparkle anymore? Why does the blue in the sky
losses its brightness? The pasture that seemed green, drizzled by the transparent
flowing stream where the breeze of spring carried fragrance of flowers, seems a
sandy desert today. Is this only because we loss the colourful looking glass
called ‘Hope’? In our youth, we earn less materials for pleasure, but we have
unlimited Hope. Now I have earned lot of pleasure, but where is the Hope that
illuminates the entire universe? I did not know the stories of cause and effect
that time – so my heart was filled with Hope. Now I know, as I have entered
into the potter’s wheel of life, I have to come back to the same destiny one
day. Whenever I think I am making progress, I am actually going round and
round. Now I understand that when I try to swim in the ocean of life, every
wave will pound me back to the shore. Now I know, there is no path in this
forest, no lake in this territory, no shore of this river, no island in this
ocean, no star in this darkness. Now I know that insects stay in the flowers,
thorns in the new leaves, clouds in the sky, whirlpool in the clean river,
poison in the fruit, snake in the garden; the human heart is busy only with
self-applauding. Now I know, not all trees bear fruits, not all flowers are
aromatic, not all cloud drizzle rains, not all forests include sandalwood, and
not all elephants are adorned with the divine pearl. Now I understood that even glass may dazzle
like diamond, even brass may glitter like gold, mire can be cool like sandal-paste
and even bronze bell may not sound different than silver bell. But I forgot
what I was telling.
Oh yes! About that tune! I loved
listening that, but do not want to hear that again. As the tune was sung by a human
voice, there are tunes sung by life too. Only those, who have tasted the savoury
of life, are able to hear that. My heart is eager to hear that song only. Won’t
I hear the song again? I will, but not that old song of life sung by many
voices accompanied with many instruments. The singers are not there any longer,
neither my youth nor that Hope remains as before. But what I hear instead of
that today is more pleasing. I hear a single tune today: Love is all-pervading
– Love is God’s another name. Love is the tune of my today’s song of life.
May the string in human–heart play that divine tune eternally. I do not want
any other form of pleasure if I have that Love for humanity.
-
Kamalakanta
Chakravarty
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